Benjamin Franklin, that noted statesman from Philadelphia and signer of the Declaration of Independence, was a man of many talents and interests. Among his many accomplishments outside of his role in the Continental Congress was the publishing of Poor Richard's Almanac, the establishment of the Postal Service, as well as the invention of bi-focal eyeglasses, and of the odometer to tell how far wagons (and later, automobiles) had traveled, the invention of the lightening rod, the invention of the household iron furnace (now known as the Franklin Stove), swimming fins, and the invention of an unusual musical instrument called the glass armonica (by which Amadeus Mozart was particularly impressed), and the production of numerous aids for the disabled, including an extension arm to grab things out of reach and the first flexible urinary catheter.
While Franklin was undoubetdly in possession of great mental faculties, and even though he had long-standing friendships with many scientists, statesmen, and philosophers, he held a quarrelsome attitude toward established academia. He was particularly unimpressed with the academic socities of Europe, which he considered to be pretentious, and to produce little to benefit the common man by their works.
It was in 1781, while serving abroad as United States Ambassador to France, that Benjamin Franklin expressed his displeasure with The Royal Academy of Brussels in a very colorful way. The Academy had endorsed a "Prize Question" among its membership to produce a mathematical equation of staggering complexity, emphasizing that the winning contributor had to illustrate the UTILITY of his equation. Franklin, seeing no practical use for a hypothetical equation produced by a top scholar over the course of an entire year, playfully suggested that the intellectuals' mental abilities might be better applied to flatulence.
"...that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis'd greater Utility.
Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.
That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.
That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.
That so retain'd contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.
Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.
My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix'd with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes."
Franklin's letter went on to describe the various avenues by which the academics might pursue the goal of perfumed flatulence, and ended with the declaration that, in comparison to the UTILITY of his Prize Question, the Academy's was "scarcely worth a FART-HING."
Franklin never sent the letter to the academy, but instead printed multiple copies for distribution to his friends in the sciences, including Joseph Priestly, a chemist famous for his work with gasses. It is unknown if the members of the Royal Academy were ever aware of the laughter that was taking place at their expense.
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